“April showers bring May flowers.”

I’ve heard the phrase a thousand times. For the longest time, I simply thought of the showers as an ugly part of my life that would pass but was essential to go through. At 18 years old, I finally realized the importance of appreciating both stages of my life. 

With all that I’ve gone through in my life, I’ve learned the importance of falling in love with the ugly roots and not just the pretty flowers. Knowing that I can love the parts of me that aren’t always pretty, but are what make me who I am, shows me that it’s OK to fall in love with the showers, knowing flowers are just around the corner.  

I used to be ashamed of how I grieved because I would close off. Now, I look at it in a way that shows me the joy and purpose I find in loving others. I use it as an outlet for my own grief; it’s beautiful to have a heart full of pain that only gives out endless love. I wouldn’t be able to appreciate that part of myself if I didn’t appreciate where it came from. 

Every good part of me has come from a not-so-good, hurt version of my prior self, and I’ve found a way to love and appreciate that. Whether it’s as simple as my eyes that required surgery as a child or as complex as the overwhelming grief that has made me the caring, old soul I am today, this floral version of myself is only possible because of the faded roots that still hold me down. 

Life is not always pretty, but it’s always beautiful. There will be ugly days, and there will be perfect days; both make life what it is. I had to learn it the hard way, but ever since I did, I have made a promise to myself: learning the roots of who I am is the first and most important step to becoming the flower I strive to be. 

It’s important to appreciate every part of life — not only for the beauty in the flower, but also the storm it went through to grow into what it is now.