It has been said that elementary school is important in developing every child’s education and setting up their foundation for the future. Studies show that a student’s time in elementary school is pivotal in developing social skills and building self-esteem, but for me, elementary school was quite the opposite.

It was around third grade that I had started noticing the unusual behavior from some of my classmates. The look on people’s faces when they found out I was Muslim is something I can never forget. The expression on people’s faces was a mix of fear and disgust. Most made stereotypical assumptions about me being Muslim. My religion was always associated with the tragic incidents of 9/11, which shaped a stereotype of all Muslims being terrorists. 

I always wondered what I did wrong that led to that reaction from my peers. Growing up in a highly judgemental learning environment was painful. I internalized my peers’ looks and reactions and became ashamed of my racial and ethnic identity. I grew up facing the guilt and pressure of my racial background, and it took time for me to realize there was nothing actually wrong with me. 

When I was young, I didn’t exactly understand that people were being racist toward me. It felt normal for me to get treated the way I was and that I just had to put up with it. I felt that I needed to become a certain way to feel equal. Those few years in elementary school led me to become more conservative and conscious as I grew up, because I wanted to be someone who fits in with society.

The sad fact is that racism has been normalized by many people in our society. What’s even worse is that I normalized changing myself to fit in. I stopped applying henna on my hands, stopped putting oil masks in my hair, stopped bringing my mom’s homemade lunches to school, refused to wear anything ethnic, and much more. I did all of this because I didn’t want to incite problems at school. I became a master at wearing a mask and putting aside my feelings.

As I grew up and encountered more hardships and experienced more in life, I realized that it wasn’t me who really did anything wrong, but that our society is judgemental. It was a long process for me to understand that I shouldn’t have to change myself to be treated equally. I learned that racism should never be condoned, and I hope no one makes the mistakes that I made of accepting inequality. 

Our communities should work to prevent the liberty our nation promises from being denied. It’s sad to see our society rejecting ideas of equality in a world where everyone is supposed to be ‘equal.’ At the end of the day, the color of a person’s skin does not define them. I realized there’s nothing wrong with me, and I am who I am. I learned to embrace the fact that my identity may never fit in with people’s standard view of our society, but over time, I realized I no longer have the desire to be ‘normal’ and accepted by others.